Funny Church BulletinsFunny Church Bulletins house many important announcements that are partially accurate. These need to have been proofread a little better I'd say. The gist is there, but don't take this information to the bank. These excerpts are taken from real, Sunday morning bulletins.
Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
Don't let worry kill you off--let the Church help.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.